Trying to speak the language of man. I can't do it. Seriously ladies. Just when I think I am beginning to become bi-lingual, a man will do something so dumbfounding that I am left, well, dumb founded. It's then I realise that I haven't a hope in hell of understanding these creatures, much less of them understanding me.
Now, I'm not one to pigeon hole people....who am I kidding? Yes I am, I love to pigeon hole. Moving on, may I just say this: men are freakishly inconsistent and while I realize they are no more inconsistent than women, there is something about the ties of womb-hood that makes womens' bat shit crazy behaviour an easier pill to swallow (dah, it's called PMS)
The more I get to know of men, the less I think I really know. And in turn, the less I know, the more I think I'm getting it. Does that make any sense? I didn't think so either.
Now before anyone gets their knickers in a twist and thinks this is a rant of the jilted. Don't be fooled because it isn't. It's a rant of the Nadia and if I had to compare it to gunfire I would describe it as more of a localised spray of machine gun ammo rather than the targeted fire of a sniper rifle. You get my meaning?
I'm happy to report that man-dom (traits of the man) can be observed at a young age and can often be seen in boys as young as four. This sense of man-dom can manifest in simple ways such as seeing who can pee the furthest, taking things apart (i.e. breaking things) to see how they work, toting literature to the bathroom and being mean to girls you like.
Later on in life man-dom can usually manifests itself in such ways as seeing who can pee the furthest, penis measuring (either literally or by comparing of possessions, usually cars), taking things apart (and still breaking them) to see how they work, toting literature to the bathroom and growing ridiculous facial hair (because you can).
Conclusion: Men are boys with facial hair who occasionally have dick measuring contests.
So I have come to terms with the fact that boys, men, dudes, guys, blokes (just males in general) will continue to astound me, probably for the rest of my life. I see no rhyme or reason for the majority of the things they do. I can observe no pattern in the way their brain works, except when little man does the driving. And that is all.
So there is my man rant because sometimes, they drive me freaking crazy. At other times I bless the world for men, because let's face it, when the barbecue guests separate into men and women you know which groups conversation is going to be more interesting. But to be fair, I take back what I said earlier about understanding women. I don't. I just pretend to so they don't sense my weakness and try to tear out my spleen, because PMS jokes aside, women are freakin' scary. Truth be told, it could be argued that my problem is just people in general. You wouldn't be wrong. I'm an angry mofo myself but I hope that's part of my charm.
Anyways, goodnight.
Nadia X
